So what if I've lost my love for marathons?
Does that mean that my love for them was never real in the first place? Or could it be that my goals have just changed and that the original feeling was genuine but has evolved? Or could it be that I'm just a live-on-a-whim type of person who has no direction in life?
Whatever it is I find myself envying those people who can find a love and stick with it forever. I still love running and I still love the long run but I don't get the joy from marathons like I used to feel. I'm more and more drawn to shorter distances and am enjoying the faster pace.
I suppose a normal person wouldn't analyze this in-depth but I'm not normal. I search for patterns in my life and feel a need for consistency. That need seems to go unfulfilled and the patterns I see are not always good.
But what can a person do about this? Should I force a consistency on myself just for the sake of itself? Thoreau believed that was the "hobgoblin of little minds" and I must say I agree with him but what is the alternative? To live an inconsistent, ever-changing life? If that sounds impressive and interesting to you (it did to me once), I dare you to try it sometime and see for yourself what it will do to your soul. Lacking a consistent anchor in life is a tough way to sail. There are many winds to hitch a ride on but with those winds come waves that can beat you up pretty good. Venturing into the waves is good in moderation but living on the high seas and always changing and adjusting to the whims of a vast ocean will prematurely wear you down.
So I'm going to ride this wave of short-distance running for awhile and hope that it re-ignites in me the love of the marathon. I will, however, still feel a bit of shame in my inability to maintain my first love.
That was a butt load of sailing metaphors! Guess that means I should buy a boat and sail around the......
Better stop that thought before it takes me in a direction.
Thanks for listening