Saturday, March 23, 2013

New lives

Sometimes your life changes because you want it to change. Those changes come with some kind of relief if not happiness. Something hoped for happens and your life goes in a new direction. Those are good changes.
Sometimes though, your life changes because of things out of your control. You're going along with your life, probably working towards one of those hoped for things, and WHAM! You're hit with a change. You didn't ask for it. Usually didn't want it. Sometimes even prayed it would never happen. But it does happen. Your life changes and you can't stop it or make it go away or make it not happen.

I'd give my life to give my mom back the man she loved and for her to see those things they'd work for come to fruition. I really would. But I can't. And she won't. And it hurts. And it sucks. And it's unfair. And, and, and.

I've preached the gospel of facing fears and defeating inner demons on this blog but it has always been in regards to those things that I know are holding me back and that I know I can control. What about facing those that I can't control? Or allowing those that I care about to face their fears and demons? That's tougher. I can't stand the thought of my family suffering pain or dealing with sorrow. I work so hard to make sure it never happens to them and I'd give myself to take away their pain.

But is that best for them? Is it proper for me to keep them from their fears and demons while I know, for me, facing them is beneficial and soul building?

This may be the hardest thing I have to learn. I shouldn't wish I could give my life for my mom's happiness. It's not fair to her. It's a horrible, unfair, painful, sucky change that she has to face. I'm only allowed to be here for her and help her through it.

Thanks for listening

1 comment:

Jennifer Henry said...

Wow, Matt amazing words. Thanks for sharing.