My mind has a tendency to run wild at times. I've always had a very dramatic imagination and I used to love to let it run wild when I was young. I remember spending hot summer days at the farm by myself just playing imaginary games and living out imaginary stories. I could entertain myself all day with just what I dreamt up in my head.
I lost that imagination for many years as the reality of life took over and I didn't have the time to day dream. I missed those easy days with myself but (mistakenly) thought I needed to "grow up" and be an adult. Being an adult to me meant worrying about everything and working hard to take care of those I loved.
I suppose that kind of thinking permeates everyone's mind at some point in their lives. Some, like me, act on it and change their lives to follow that thinking. We become, in affect, a tool that exists only to care for others. Losing our own identity, we become absorbed into the world around us. Others find a way to merge their dreams and their cheerished thoughts into the lives of others and into the world around them. They keep their day dreams and their imagination and even share it with those around them. These people, who some call dreamers and abnormal, give their unique light to the world and actually contribute something. It's paradoxical but the dreamers actually give more to the people in their lives than do the ones who lose themselves in trying to provide something to those around them.
It's only through keeping your own light shining that you can give light to the world. Letting your unique light die because you think it's responsible or because you're afraid to show it robs those closest to you of, well YOU! They want you more than anything else.
So how the hell does any of this have anything to do with running? Well, I'm getting there.
All that shit I said above are things I'm just now coming to realize. I can easily write it but it's not so easy for me to live it. My mind runs wild but it isn't filled with imagination and dreams anymore. it's filled with worry and regret. When I run the fear subsides. When I run the hurt pauses. When I run, all those things that I've put on myself lift off for awhile and I can feel free. It's only when I run that I can settle my mind and hear my heart. My heart tells me to be that kid with imagination and dreams who loves listening to them. My heart says be unique give up the worry and know that everything I fear is self-induced and an illusion.
When I run my heart connects with my head and I feel alive and worthy. The trick is to keep that going when the run stops.
Thanks for listening