This is a 400+ year old tree that's behind the house. Oldest White Oak in NY state
So there's my excitement for the week. Tomorrow I fly home to Oklahoma only to leave again on Sunday for Florida. I'll return from Florida just in time to catch a flight out to San Francisco to run the marathon next weekend. I've got a bit of traveling to do over the next few days for sure.
I've tried so hard over the last few days to get my mind wrapped around the marathon again. Up to now, my mind has been on everything but the marathon and it's scaring me a little. That's right, the "Run Fearless" guy is feeling fear. I fight it, I really do, but sometimes the fear is to great to keep down. I try to put on a strong face here for you guys because that's what I want to do for you. I want to give you that extra boost of encouragement or at least a tiny bit of humor to keep you going. The truth is though, I'm a scared little boy wrapped up in a big shell of a man who hides behind these words of strength. Most times I write what I want to be, not what I truly am thinking that if I get good at writing this script maybe it'll come true. I was almost convinced that I might be getting there until now. The fear is back and it's got control right now. I've run 10 marathons and I'm only 3 months since my last one and I'm doubting I can do this thing again in a week. Not worried that I won't run a good time, I'm honestly worried that I can't do the distance. That I'll get to 10 miles and it'll be over.
The knee, of course, is a major contributor to these feelings but it's not the main reason. I know I could run the entire marathon with ITB pain, I can do pain. What is really driving this fear is the lack of mental focus. I know I'm out of focus when I start thinking about how long a marathon is. Normally I don't even consider 26 miles. I've grown to think of it as a series of shorter segments that I run sequentially. I have goals for each segment and can concentrate on these shorter goals while the massive distance is going by. This is the way I used to think. Right now I'm only looking at the monster 26 miles and it's overwhelming. I've lost focus and I've got a week to get it back.
I'm going to really concentrate on the race for the next week. I need to get my head back in the game and focus. I have no idea how I'm going to do this but I'll make it. Fear is an ugly thing. Maybe I needed to see a little in order to get me back to earth.
Thanks for listening