Thursday, July 16, 2009

Head games

I've spent that last week in upstate NY. The weather has been amazing! Highs in the 70's and sunny. Perfect running weather if my knee wasn't giving me problems. I think you'll be proud to hear that I only ran one night while I've been here. Of course I did 10 hill repeats that night because there's this wonderful hill in our front yard so I couldn't resist. It felt wonderful and didn't hurt my knee that much.
We decided to stay at a little bed and breakfast on this trip. We had heard so much about this place, how lovely it was and how nice the owner was, so we decided to try it. It has been AMAZING! The house is pre-civil war and sits on a lovely hill just outside the little town we come to here in NY. The entire house has been renovated but most of the original stone and wood-work has been preserved. It has these wonderful 12 foot ceilings in every room that make it feel so big but yet so cozy.
Oh and the FOOD! Remember when I was talking about dropping 10 pounds? Not a problem anymore, got that back the first night with the ribs. Woke up the next morning to buttermilk waffles with fresh blueberries, that added a few more pounds back on. Then I added a few more pounds the second night when we had 2 inch steaks. Woke up the following morning to breakfast burritos which I swore I wouldn't eat. Just coffee for me that morning, yep, I was going to... oh what the heck give me one, then one for the ride to work. We missed the next two nights of dinner because we had dinner with our customer but came home tonight to homemade key lime pie. MY BELLY HURTS! All that eating and no running. Go me!
Took some pictures of the place,

This is a 400+ year old tree that's behind the house. Oldest White Oak in NY state

So there's my excitement for the week. Tomorrow I fly home to Oklahoma only to leave again on Sunday for Florida. I'll return from Florida just in time to catch a flight out to San Francisco to run the marathon next weekend. I've got a bit of traveling to do over the next few days for sure.

I've tried so hard over the last few days to get my mind wrapped around the marathon again. Up to now, my mind has been on everything but the marathon and it's scaring me a little. That's right, the "Run Fearless" guy is feeling fear. I fight it, I really do, but sometimes the fear is to great to keep down. I try to put on a strong face here for you guys because that's what I want to do for you. I want to give you that extra boost of encouragement or at least a tiny bit of humor to keep you going. The truth is though, I'm a scared little boy wrapped up in a big shell of a man who hides behind these words of strength. Most times I write what I want to be, not what I truly am thinking that if I get good at writing this script maybe it'll come true. I was almost convinced that I might be getting there until now. The fear is back and it's got control right now. I've run 10 marathons and I'm only 3 months since my last one and I'm doubting I can do this thing again in a week. Not worried that I won't run a good time, I'm honestly worried that I can't do the distance. That I'll get to 10 miles and it'll be over.

The knee, of course, is a major contributor to these feelings but it's not the main reason. I know I could run the entire marathon with ITB pain, I can do pain. What is really driving this fear is the lack of mental focus. I know I'm out of focus when I start thinking about how long a marathon is. Normally I don't even consider 26 miles. I've grown to think of it as a series of shorter segments that I run sequentially. I have goals for each segment and can concentrate on these shorter goals while the massive distance is going by. This is the way I used to think. Right now I'm only looking at the monster 26 miles and it's overwhelming. I've lost focus and I've got a week to get it back.

I'm going to really concentrate on the race for the next week. I need to get my head back in the game and focus. I have no idea how I'm going to do this but I'll make it. Fear is an ugly thing. Maybe I needed to see a little in order to get me back to earth.

Thanks for listening


Terri said...

ok, think back. You might not be able to initially remember it but I am betting that there has a been a time in your past when you did feel this fear before a marathon, but then, you did run it, you finished, and it was all over. So if that's the case, think about that time of your life (hopefully it was a positive one) and remind yourself that you got over that fear and it's only a matter of time until you do it agin.

In other words, you are stronger than you think, and yes, we do appreciate the humor on your blog, I know I really do, and you will pull through this.

By the way, can you tell us where you were in upstate NY? I was in cooperstown last week, where they have lots of large beautiful homes like those you shot pictures of! (of course I didn't get to stay there!)

RBR said...

What a gorgeous place! I am glad you guys got to get away for a little R&R together.

I am with you. I am so not ready physically or mentally for San Fran. C'est la vie. It will be fine I am sure.

Safe traveling!