Up and down

I've wrestled this demon for so long I'm exhausted. I thought I was fighting to stay up but I realize now that up is an illusion. A temporary glimpse above the water into a place I cannot stay. It's somewhat comforting to finally realize this because now I know the fight is futile and I can rest that internal struggle that I thought was keeping me up but was actually a cycle of jumping and falling.

74

Completed my second run tonight after a long layoff to let my hamstring heal. The first run, yesterday, was short and really nothing more than a trial run to make sure nothing hurt or fell off. Today's run, however, was a full-blown 6 miles. It was fantabulous! Adi ran with me for the first mile so I got to show off my super mega hot girlfriend to all the neighbors. Oh yeah that's right, she's running with me! Check me out.
I ran down to the Oklahoma City National Memorial which is one of my favorite routes. I live just north of the city so running down to the Memorial takes me through some beautiful rolling hills and multi-million dollar homes, then dumps me out into midtown where it seems everything is being built, and then you end up on the edge of downtown. It's a good mix of residential and urban sprawl. The Memorial itself is just beautiful and seems to beg people to run around it. Maybe that's just me.
I got a nose full of spring too! I smelled cut grass, gas powered weed eater exhaust, road tar from road construction, baking bread from the bread factory, and beer from the midtown bar patios. It was awesome.
It was 74 degrees tonight. I love spring!

Thanks for listening

New leaf

I always hate when I have to say, "it's been awhile since I've written" so I won't. Let's just move on from that and live in the present. I want to write again. I miss it.

I also want to run again. Not just run again but really RUN again. It's funny, when I was running with a time goal and was concerned about my finish times, I always thought that I should run for the sake of running and learn to find joy in the pure experience of being on my feet and moving. I accomplished that goal and for the past few years have thoroughly enjoyed running without a watch or a goal and sharing the joy of running with others. Now, however, I've come back to wanting a goal. A real time goal. Running with a purpose. I miss the fatigue of following a training plan. I miss the nagging feeling of dread in knowing I have a speedwork session after work. That uncomfortable but yet amazing feeling of pushing my legs as fast as they can go, throwing form and efficiency out the window and finding the limit of my speed. Walking that razors edge of injury. Weird, huh?

Maybe I'm on a cycle. It seems every 4-5 years my desires change. Part of me thinks that is another sign of my impending insanity. Another part of me thinks that I just get bored with things after awhile. The third half of me thinks all this is true and I'm pretty lucky to have the ability to follow those desires wherever they lead and whenever they hit.

I'll be updating this page with new pictures and plans. More for me than for you but feel free to check up on me if you like. I miss you.

Thanks for listening