Thursday, November 19, 2009

Pre marathon thoughts

So I haven't written anything in awhile and to be honest I'm really
missing it. I've given you guys a long enough break and now it's time
to make you suffer at the hands of my pixel shaped thoughts again.
Life is tough sometimes which I think we all know. Everyone struggles.
Those struggles may seem trivial to an outsider but to the person
struggling they are the most important thing in the world and thus
deserve full attention. What's my point? He'll if I know other than to
convey that I struggle and I know you do also. Though your struggles
may not spur me the way they do you, I understand and am willing to
help. Even if that help is nothing more than reading your thoughts and
sending unobservable thoughts and well wishes your way.



Emotions


Running for me is a very emotional endeavor. A wonderful friend told
me recently that my emotions make me who I am and that they enjoyed
that part of me. I, in fact, hate that I even have emotions. As it is
though, there's not much I can do about it. I am me and I have deep
emotions. I cry at the end of marathons, I have a horrible addiction
to Nicholas Sparks books, I like more sad songs than happy ones, I
write a blog in order to get the mess of thoughts and feelings out of
my head. These are not things that a purely logical person enjoys. So
here is the question I have been unable to answer in all my many
years. Is it OK to let your emotions run free or is it better to keep
them under control? I'm inclined to believe, like so many other
things in this time-space continuum we exist in, that it depends. Some
situations warrant restraint while others cry out for open loop
emotions. The trick is to figure out which is which. Still working on
that one.

Fear

I'm running a marathon on Sunday. Let me say that another way, HOLY
CRAP I'M RUNNING A MARATHON ON SUNDAY! There, that's better. I haven't trained much for this marathon and I'm a little scared. I know I
always say 'run fearless' but that's mainly because I struggle (see
above) with fear so much. The logical part of my brain says that being
afraid of a marathon is silly. If it hurts just stop right? This is
simple, I don't HAVE to run 26.2, no one is making me do it. But as
you, my fellow insane friends, know it's not that simple. Dnf'ing is
worse than any pain because it lasts forever. I've set myself up for
this run and failing would be a failure of my spirit which is worse
than any outward embarrassment or shame I may feel. External impacts of
failing are not the motivating force of a marathoner. Most I believe
are motivated by an internal force of personal accomplishment and self
fulfilment. I know I am and I'm really scared that part of me could
take a massive hit on Sunday.


Well as is the norm for me lately I'm out of time. My plane is landing
and the steward is giving me the evil eye. Time is the one thing I
have none of lately. You guys and gals keep up the great running and
I'll be back to a regular schedule of writing soon. Pinky swear.

Thanks for listening

3 comments:

Meg Runs said...

Nice to hear that you're still out there AND running a marthon! Have a great race, can't wait to hear about it!

Calyx Meredith said...

Good luck in Tulsa! Can't wait to hear about it.

Bill G. said...

Thank you for the run and coffee this morning! You'll have fun tomorrow in T-town. Sorry I'm gonna miss being there to cheer you on.