Monday, December 1, 2008

Yep It's Broke

No it's not mine. It's my baby's. My little man broke his leg last night. 

He did a good job of it too, as you can see.

His brother was involved but is denying any criminal action. The incident is still under investigation. 

So I was sitting on the couch in a grumpy mood when my Big One comes in and says that the Little One says his leg hurts and he thinks it's serious. The blur that flashes by a moment later is my wife as she enters hyper-mother speed to care for her offspring. I guess you gain super powers when the thing that came out of you is hurting in anyway. Unless, of course, she is the one giving the pain in the form of punishment for bad grades. I call it the mother-paradox, physicists are still studying the theory.

The Little One is presented to me in a pathetic state and his leg is bent in an abnormal way. "Yep, it's broke", no doubt about it. With hindsight it probably wasn't a good idea to say this out loud. Must learn to think these things.

We threw it on ice (because ice fixes all leg problems as we all know) and I get dressed and head to the emergency room. 

Have I mentioned that he hasn't cried at all? Well he hasn't, in fact, I don't think he cried all night. He is so tough. He should be, he had his first surgery when he was 3 months old and then another one when he was 3 years old. He's an old hat at pain poor kid. Being born with a cleft lip will do that to a kid. 

Little One being Strong!

The nurse at the emergency room started noticing he was looking pale. I kissed his forehead and he was very cold! I think he was entering the early stages of shock. They immediately took him back to a room and put an IV in. He started shivering so we covered him in blankets. Wonderful moments for a parent! "I hate this", "I hate this", "I hate this", was all I could think. I had to be strong and not lose it but I don't have much insides left to deal with seeing my Little One on a hospital bed. They should issue surrogate parents to deal with this kind of thing. Someone who doesn't get a lump in their throat when they look the baby in the eye and see pain, someone who doesn't have to keep his insides from tearing apart when the baby wants to hold your hand because it hurts, someone who doesn't pray to God to give them the pain and leave the little innocent boy alone.

None of this was I able to share (thank goodness for blogs) because it wouldn't have done the Little One any good and probably would have made things worse. 

They took some X-rays and discovered that his leg was broken. Amazing. Did I mention my love of doctors lately? Maybe in another post. He had a broken Tibia and the doctor was consulting with a pediatric orthopedist to get guidance. This impressed me, Most (all) doctors I know would never admit to seeking advice from someone else, it violates their God-Wanna-Be arrogance code or something. Did I mention my love of doctors? The decision was to move the Little One to the OU Children's hospital so they could set the bone and install the cast. Turns out the hospital here in Edmond doesn't mess with children's orthopedics since the Children's hospital is just down the road. Read that as " We're scared of lawsuits so give the kids to the other guys". The only thing that overcomes a doctors arrogance is a hospital administrator's fear of lawsuits. Did I mention my.... well you get the point.

So they transfer him via ambulance (very cool kindergarden story) down to the Children's hospital. As they are admitting him a very nice doctor comes and gets the X-rays. A moment later I hear "Woooaaa" come from behind the desk. Guess they were impressed with his break. Leave it to one of my children to impress the doctors! Teachers not so much, but doctors have met their match. They give him some drugs to knock him out so they can set the bone. This is now 3 too many times that I have seen this baby under anesthesia! (reference the "I hate this" rant above to safe time). I stayed in the room to watch them set the bone. I've never seen this done and I was interested. NOT ANYMORE! OUCH! They finished and put a cast on his let up to his thigh. Then we waited for him to wake up.

And waited, and waited, and waited. It was 1 AM and the boy was tuckered. I was sure the anesthesia had worn off and he was just too tired to wake up. The nurse insisted he had to wake up and be conscious before they would release him. So we tortured my son, who had broke his leg, gone into shock, ridden in an ambulance, been poked and prodded, been knocked out, until he woke up. Yea for us, we feel like wonderful parents now. 

I went to work today on 3 hours sleep. I was a wreck, emotional drained. I had nothing left. When I was younger being strong and fighting my emotions was natural. I knew what I had to do and I did it. It's becoming more and more draining on me to deal with these tough situations. I can't stand to see my (or any, really) children in pain. The emotions get the best of me eventually and I have to deal with them. Where did this come from? I'm a guy and I've never, ever been beat by my emotions. I'm the master of my domain! 

I kept telling myself, it's just a broken bone, it's not that serious, and I feel weak for even letting this get to me. Everything made me feel like breaking down today. Everything came rushing into my brain at once and I just wanted to go away. All I could see was his little body laying on the bed in pain and it brought on major guilt. He had asked me to play all day and I only gave him a few minutes. By the end of the day his constant asking had actually made me angry! How could I get angry for him wanting to play with me? I was so consumed with my little problems and my little tasks that I couldn't spend a few extra moments with my son and now he's laying in a bed suffering. Yea me. I'm no good to anyone, not even a 5 year old boy who only wants to play. I don't have enough goodness in me to serve him so how can I be worthwhile to anyone with more needs? 

As you can see, I'm not in an I-Love-Willie mood today. Maybe sleep will help, actually a good long run would be wonderful but there's that guilt thing about serving my own needs while he's still hurting. 

Thanks for listening


RBR said...

Oh, I am so sorry! Sorry that your sweet baby (OMG look at those eyes! How do they not get away with MURDER at your house?) had to go through all of that and sorry that you and your wife had to go through that. I honestly cannot imagine the pain you also felt.

I don't have children, but to this day my dad tells the story of me having stitches removed from a major surgery at 5 years old looking up at him, crying, and screaming "Daddy make them stop!" It is the only time he has ever admitted to crying openly.

Get some sleep, buy little one some ice cream, and be nice to you!

Kristina said...

Poor little guy! But don't be so hard on yourself. Your son will remember the fact that you were by his side for hours at the hospital, stoically absorbing his pain without showing yours, and he knows that he is loved. Give yourself a break (not literally, of course--no need for parallel self-injury).

Reese said...

Sorry to hear about your son, but scale back on the guilt. You've got plenty of time and another child to deal with guilt. Save that for when they're all grown up, in the 20's or 30's, you go to McDonalds, and one of them asks "would you like to supersize that meal?"

Calyx Meredith said...

What a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day you had!! Hugs and peace to Wille et familia!

JenZen said...

OH NO!!! Poor baby!! Ack! What an ordeal. For both of you. At least he will have a cool story to tell the class. And quit beating yourself up. We all get tied up in the mundane and forget to stop and play. Even though it was a terrible accident and LONG day, it's nice to be reminded of what's truly important to us.

Hey...wait...I broke my arm as a kid - and I DIDN'T get a cool ambulance ride! But I did get to watch them set my arm. Weird - I totally remember that. I was wide awake. I remember the needles to deaden it were HUGE!!

Sarah said...

Where have I been for 3 days? Seriously. Willie, could you get a more precious baby? Look at that sweet face!

Please don't beat yourself up over this, my friend. You are a super father. There are always going to be times in his life and Big One's life where you won't have time to play. That's not a bad thing. I've read your blog for months now and you are a great father. You love your babies and I know that they know that. He was suffering in the bed because you didn't play with him for hours that day- you did play with him. You are such a strong fellow and take everything onto yourself internally and I respect that. I can see that Little One gets his strength from you! Just help him heal, make him laugh, and don't let this eat at you. You're a good guy, my friend. Remember that.

You not only help your family, but you help the rest of us out here in the world too.

Southbay Girl said...

Where have I been? Work just gets in the way of my blogging life!!!

I am SO SORRY your baby broke his leg! There is nothing worse than seeing your child in a hospital bed-it's HORRIBLE! I've done it once and that is enough for me!!!

I'm so sorry-but what a strong boy you have!!! He will love to tell the story of the ambulance-did they turn on the sirens and lights???

I hope he's feeling ok!! And it's a normal occurrence to have a pediatric ortho doc set kids bones-when my son broke his arm they had to go thru the same thing because of growth points and stuff-they want to make sure it heals properly since he's still growing!!!! It's GREAT he went to Childrens Hospital!!!

Keep smiling and give your boy a big hug and kiss!!